Monday, February 7, 2011

Do you know me?

I think I have myself to blame...perhaps I don't talk about it enough. What my family goes through on a daily basis. Or perhaps its none of anyones damn business, but I don't think its that. That response is just me being angry at people and their stupid remarks because they don't know any better. But I have a new saying. What it looks like on the outside isn't what it always is on the inside. I'm not asking anyone to live a day in my shoes, I don't think anyone could fill them hell I don't even want to fill them some days.

So here is my issue and since this is my blog and basically I can say whatever I damn well please and you can either keep reading or not I'm going to keep writing regardless.

I think I can count on one hand maybe two hands of the people in real life that I know I can count on for support and to listen when I need to vent. Or at least that's what I thought. I think I can now count it on one hand and that's a problem for me. Because if it was reverse ALL of my friends and family know they can count on me to help or listen or do whatever needs to be done. I'm there for you! And I'd love to think that it was the same for me. But it always isn't, and the people that are here for me and my family I adore and love each and everyone of you and you know who you are!.

Recently in the news there was a boy who plays xbox who also happens to have autism. Its been a source of contention for me because I could be there one day. I know how Microsoft runs, I've been in the belly of the beast so to speak. I also know being a mother and if this happened to Racer I think I would just give up, throw in the towel and say yea fuck it...we cheated.  In the gaming world its been a media circus so many articles and reports and regardless of his autism I don't think he cheated. And I'm going to stick with that no matter how dumb it made me look. I think that family was wronged. In a recent chat on xbox live with some friends in a chat the subject was brought up. And knowing its a sore spot for me maybe I just should have stayed quiet because the words that would forever sting my heart shocked me. Words like "even if he was fucked in the head" are going to stay with me forever. Because if anyone of those people knew what Racer or any other child with autism was going through they would never have said that.

And that is part of the problem, people assume things. Its the Rainman effect.....he had autism is that what your son is like? I would hope in 2011 that Rainman would be a thing of the past that it would be replaced by "Temple Grandin" someone to respect and understand. Not to say that Rainman is a insult but its not what people use to understand, they judge by it. I'm sick of judgments, I'm tired of getting crap because people don't understand.

Take the five minutes it took to give me shit about my life and autism and use them to understand because unless you've lived it you will never ever understand. And if you choose not to, that's fine but will you kindly keep your fucking mouth shut!


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