Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Breaking Point

I found it the other day, the one where you're on the verge of tears and about to scream I NEED HELP!! Then I looked around, and lurked online and calmed myself down. See its like this, I can scream about needing help and cry and bang my head against the wall but in the end the help I get is the help that only I can offer. I tend to take to much on, I have the "do it all" syndrome I know where I get it from and sadly that's never going to change. But I'm a mom, and even if I ever found the help to do it all I think I'd be secretly doing it all anyways. You know like how you hire a housekeeper and then clean before she gets there? But oh man would I love a housekeeper, in a house with seven kids its never clean and I could clean and clean and I would never be done. I've decided that's a task I'm letting go, I refuse to drive myself or the kids crazy always trying to keep clean during the day.

But here I am slowly sinking down the drain and trying to keep my head above water all while running a household on a limited budget and I can still find the happiness in it all and some days its hard I tell ya. Some days, like yesterday I just don't want to get out of bed and so I stayed in bed lol. And its not depression, its being a parent, being a parent of a child with special needs and a parent of seven kids. Some days I just hit my breaking point. The days, weeks, months where there is just not enough time in the day to do it all. And not enough sleep at night to remember what I did the day before.

I think it would be nice if I could hire someone to follow me around, taking notes, picking up toys, wiping noses, and making yucky PB&J sandwiches. Then I could have more time to do all the other things that need to get done. And before you say "Well you decided to have kids, what did you expect?" Think back to the day that you had your breaking point.....have you had one? You don't even have to openly admit it either, but this is my blog and I'm going to be honest here. My readers and myself deserve that, I can't be phony, parenting isn't all rainbows and sunshine all the time.

So there it is, I've had a rough couple of weeks. Some hateful mean comments thrown around like its candy. And in the end that's what makes it worse, its like walking around with a dirty wet coat. You can't take it off and it just makes you sick and icky feeling. And let me just add this fucking weather isn't helping either. Cold, rainy and windy...then my sun comes out and then cold, rainy and windy.


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