Friday, March 18, 2011

A Thank You of Sorts

Its midnight, I've been sick...I managed to get to bed super early tonight but woke up and now I'm wide awake. I tried to go back to bed, because when else by the grace of whoever would this extra magical sleep be given to me. But I couldn't and as I was laying there I was thinking about how I haven't blogged and when I don't I have so much pent up crap. As I lay there I thought about how my blogs lately have been a lil depressing. I try not to think of it that way, because I'm not depressed not in the least. What I am is living a life unplanned, and lately I've been thinking about that more and more. Spring break is coming up and all I can think about is how much I'm dreading it. Not because I'll be in the house with 7 kids, but because times like these are hard for Racer which in turn makes it hard for the rest of us. I've set my mind on planning a weeks worth of fun things to do with them to keep the boredom away. Problem is that it won't keep autism away, maybe for a day or two if I'm lucky but that's a leap.

And with that this brings me to the life unplanned....a few days ago I was talking to someone about what used to be. Got me thinking to 3yrs ago when stuff was a lot easier. That was right before we got the Dx for Racer, back when his being different was odd but it wasn't autism. And that got me to thinking about why it was so important to get that Dx, because that changed a lot, it changed everything. It made life harder, it made me a stronger mother but it also made me very angry at the world. I've become a force of nature, something that I'm not always proud of. Because of that I have very little patience for people, everything has a place and a time and if its not the way it should be I can't stand it. I can't stand stupid humor, or annoying people. And now I'm starting to rant lol But let me say this, in a world of people I can't stand there are a group of people that I'm grateful for. My friends, and my close family, I'm grateful for my readers, and for those people who have told me how much all my blogging means to them. Its those comments that love that I hold close to my heart, its what gets me through the dark parts of it all because I know those people will be there no matter what. And even if the annoying people outweigh the wonderful people I know it means a lot just to have them.

So here it is folks, my blog that brings me back  to blogging, the venting, ranting and laughter will continue because its what gets me by along with all the friends that I am grateful for.


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