Tuesday, December 21, 2010

To lie or not to lie.

So  finally this year is the first year that Racer is finally realizing holidays as something other then just another day. So I've been planning things and making traditions, its been fun to create memories for him that will last for him. And now I can be prepared for next year....I'm excited!!!!

But a few things have happened in all this realization....its brought lots and lots of questions. One that is my all day favorite is "is Santa coming today?" ummmm did I say it was my favorite? No that's Racers favorite question lol. Anyways I think to prevent that next year I'm going to get a advent calendar. He's also starting to realize amounts of time and how somethings take longer then others.

Soooo this brings me to the point of my blog. Last night very late like always after watching a Christmas commercial .....Racer comes to me and looks me in the eye and says "Is Santa real?"  I know right!!! First off EYE CONTACT!!!! Secondly A FULL QUESTION AND I UNDERSTOOD HIM!!!! Ok ok so I was giddy to say the least but, I didn't blink a eye and said "yes Santa is real" He seemed to accept it and bounced off to watch his movie again. But left me sitting in front of my computer wondering if I should have lied to my very literal son. I've actually sat and wrestled with the concept all day today. Should I have lied to him or just told him the truth? I kind of feel that in my house that I've already deprived the other YuckMouths of so many other things, why would I want to ruin it for the rest of them. And at the same time thinking that lie, as little as it is will haunt me forever when he realizes and remembers that I lied to him once. And trust me he will remember! I'm still living down pulling of band aides from his arm from last year!

A friend from twitter sent me a link and it was extremely helpful and I hope that I can work with that the next time this question comes up, because with Racer I know it will.

So what do you guys think!? To lie or not to lie??


Big Daddy Autism said...

I'm all for lying. But I'm a bit of a sociopath.

My 13 year old son still believes in Santa with no doubt in his mind. So if we are any indication, this is a lie you will keep telling Racer for another decade or so.

RacersMommy said...

lol oh you shud know by now 7 kids I live in Crazy Town USA.

I hope that I can keep lying. I think the randomness of the question is what made me think about it all day. I mean I still have two lil ones after Racer so I hope that it sticks cuz then I have to teach him how to lie and that is not something I ever want to do.

Supermomma said...

Its up to you. If you feel bad about lying, then dont do it. I dont think of it as lying at all. I let the girls think Santa is real; builds up their imagination. They will figure it out eventually. Like today, I made a fake phone call to Santa about Ari not picking up her toys... and oh my... she picked everything up faster than you can blink an eye.

RacersMommy said...

But see that's the thing with Racer, he's gonna hold on to that and remember what I told him. I can't keep that up forever, eventually one day someone is gonna tell him that there isn't a Santa.

He very much lives in the real world. If I call Santa he wants to talk to him. He knows when he's being faked out lol.

I mean he still remembers being burned 3yrs ago on 4th of July. He remembers what he was wearing and how he got burned and where he was.

Anonymous said...

My sister's 6 kids, who have all been taught that Santa is not real, do just fine around other kids that still believe. She just taught them that other kids parents should be the ones to clue them in or not.

So the whole "I don't want to deprive my kids" thing really doesn't sit well with me. Deprive them of what? Believing a lie? I really don't mean to be rude but I simply cannot understand why our entire society thinks it's fun to lie to kids. Kids have just as much fun acting in a fairy tale, and they won't have to wrestle with the fact that their parents spent years immersing them in a pack of lies.

I wasn't going to comment further after my one comment on your Facebook page, but then you said "I hope that I can keep lying." and I just can't leave that alone.

What the heck. You're actually sitting around hoping you can keep lying to your kid? There's something very wrong with that, and you wouldn't be wrestling with this whole issue if you didn't know it.

RacersMommy said...

I "believed" in Santa, the tooth fairy, easter bunny, you name it I believed it prolly till I was 11, I had a younger brother so we carried that lie for a few years longer for him. I don't ever regret or hate my parents for lying to me. I love my memories that I have of childhood and all the cool little things that my mom and dad did to further that lie.

And that is the only thing I do lie to him about. When Thanksgiving came and he asked me what we do and I told him we spend time with family and eat and be thankful and grateful for what we have. His only focus was on the turkey and if he got to help me cut its head off and pull the feathers off. I didn't lie to him them. I can't lie to him because he knows better.


RacersMommy said...

But for one shinning moment he's like his brothers and sisters. For one moment he's like his classmates. For one moment the autism was gone and he was asking me questions and looking in my eyes and focusing.....hell yea I lied to him. And I will always remember that moment that he was able to look past all his issues that prevent him from believing in certain things

Sorry if I offended you

Stuart Duncan said...

There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting your children believe in the magic of it all. So many other children do, don't take it away from them.

Besides, I think of it as a matter of perspective. You see, if you believe Santa embodies the magic, the wonder, the excitement and everything else that's great about Christmas, then Santa is alive and well.

It's a great feeling to wake up and race to the tree to see what Santa brought you.

And it's also a great feeling to be sitting there in your slippers watching your little ones be happier than ever.

Unknown said...

I can't really advise you because I'm not a fan of the holiday, but I LIKE the question asking, Racer!!!

RacersMommy said...

I know right!!!! So awesome!

Supermomma said...

After you posted this, I thought long and hard of your question. And so I went and posted mine, and I reazlized my daughter never asked me if he was real or not.

This is also her first year of grasping and understanding; she may not fully get it but I am loving her innocence.

We all lie to our kids someway or another, "No the ice cream man isnt coming today." "you were invited hunny to the party; but umm we have other plans" - when he wasnt invited and knew about a friends party.

These things happen.

For him to ask, means he is interested and thats awesome! Dont feel guilty.
P.S. I knew about Santa from classmates. My mom would go all out and decorate and I loved it. Even if he wasnt real - as Im older I loved the thought of him being real.

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