Beans, Exercise, and Thinking Aspergers

I can't yet put into words how honestly fucked up things have been lately. My ability to maintain control is the only thing that hasn't set me off the deep end yet. But I have been able to see the good in the storm, don't ask me how I do it but I do. Part of it has to do with the fact that their are eight other people in this house who count on me to drag my happy ass out of bed everyday and keep moving regardless of how I feel so I do. So on to other things for now.

Beans

Racer is obsessed  with fruit, its the one thing I can get him to eat any time any day. But beans (seeds) stand in our way. Thanks to a well meaning comment from my 7yr old he thinks if you eat the seeds from any fruit it will start growing inside of you. But because of how Racer thinks not only can he not eat beans but no one else can either....I mean God forbid that one of us grows into a apple! So that leads me to today when Racer and the daddy partake in a afternoon snack of apples. Now Racer will carefully eat the whole top of the apple without the "wet" part touching his fingers, he will eat it down to the core and never expose the beans. The daddy on the other hand must not have heard the "beans story" and ate his apple into the core. Now its not like during this whole time Racer isn't warning him insisting he not eat the beans....with my 7yr old shouting from the bedroom about turning into a apple tree, and me trying to hush everyone. It was like a shouting match for WWE I swear, lol and people outside must think we are insane. Anyways what did the daddy do?!! He ate the freaking beans! After Racer warned him not to over and over again, not sure if at this point in Racers mind he's in high alert to see if daddy turns into a tree so we'll see.

Exercise

So the hubs has been all about getting back into shape....good for him right? He goes walking everyday and then comes home and does jumping jacks and push ups. I'm really proud of him because we are not a great will power kind of family. I'd much rather be doing anything but working out lol. The funny part about this is that the girls...CareBear and PigPen have been doing jumping jacks and push ups with him. lol mostly just bouncing and some jumping and then late clapping but its cute and funny as hell. The push ups on the other hand are a weird form of PigPen with her butt in the air and putting her face close to the floor and CareBear sitting and kissing the floor. lol I want in on CareBears exercise plans seems easy enough right? But great for the hubs to be working out!! *high fives and slaps on the ass!*

Thinking Aspergers

Now I've fought with my paranoia for long enough, sat thinking about how others would perceive me if I even suggested that I thought for a second that PigPen might have Aspergers. But the more I look at it and watch it the more it looks just like it. For the longest time I thought maybe she was just copying Racer or attention seeking but its so much more than that. So we are going to try and get her tested, but going on my gut on this one its Aspergers.

Mothers Day?

What is your ideal Mothers Day? Does it involve spending time with your kids, and spouse? Do you do anything for your mom? Does your husband do anything for you or his mother?

I ask this because I think the lines of this day get blurred. So lets just say you have a mother who is living....do you spend the day with her? Maybe a grandmother? Or whoever you felt is the woman who raised you and acted like your mother? I spent yesterday with my mom, it was a nice afternoon with me and her and some of the kids. Today she was with her mom and if I had a car I think I probably would have been there too. But here is the thing that blurs the lines of Mothers Day for me...... I spent it with my kids, I made them pancakes and then we were just here. THAT'S EVERY FREAKING DAY lol so what the fuck is Mothers Day? I love my kids to death but ummm yea if that is what mothers day then that's every day! I'm pretty sure my mom loved all the heart felt crafts that me and my brother made her year after year lol and considering they were the same crafts sometimes she is the most amazing woman on the planet to smile year after year at me and my brother.

Hell the crafts my kids made me are the same stuff that I made my mom oh so many years ago! Teachers need to pull from a new lesson plan on that one!

Here's how I think Mothers Day should go

1. No kids

2. No spouses

3. A drink of some sort that refills on its own when its empty.

4. Bubble bath, hot shower, hot tub, pool, beach.....(pick your poison)

5. And the one thing that makes you happy. And I don't mean your kids, or loved ones. I mean that something you do when all those other people aren't around.

Honestly I want a day to myself. I don't need to spend MORE time with my kids I see them every freaking day! I don't want to hear the word MOM at all on Mothers Day.

I think I'm going to put that plan into effect next year. Maybe send the kids away with the hubs. I'm pretty sure on Fathers Day he's going to want the same respect. Then again its Fathers Day and isn't every day the day the daddy does nothing anyways?!

Five days of gifting

So you all know recently that we've been having trouble getting Racer to school. Over this past weekend I was shopping with my mom and Racer and he found this red sparkly hat

lol

Racer loves hats and he got quickly attached to this one. So my mom decided that she would use this to get him to go to school. She agreed to buy it for him BUT only if he went to school on Monday. So after some prodding and getting his normal angry he decided it seemed like a good deal.

So our shopping trip carried on like this, Racer asking for stuff but my mom agreed to buy it if he went to school. In the end he has five things for every day of the week. Over the next few days I'm gonna blog about how it goes. Day one was yesterday so I have some catching up to do lol

The brave face

I just want to say that autism and a NT kindergarten class sucks! This year for Racer has been really hard, he's been going to school since he was three and he's always loved it. Till he started going to his NT kinder class, its been a rough couple of months. In all of this we are trying to get the school to test him again since his SpEd class said they didn't think he had autism. But its been hard for them to test because he hates going to school and up until today I hated forcing him to go.

Till yesterday.....the school psychologist  came by the house to drop off some paperwork that needs to be filled out for the testing to be complete on our end. He again reminded me that it was important that Racer needs to be in school everyday for the nxt 30 days because his IEP needs to be done by the 31st of this month. I also have the haunting words of his teacher when it was overheard her talking about me and Racer and what my excuse was for him not attending again.

Anyways its always been my belief that if he's not happy at school then something is wrong. He used to love it but now refuses. And I don't mean the usual whining and crying, these are full blown kicking, screaming, punching, refusing to get dressed, dragged out the door and down the street to go to school. And it makes me feel like crap when he cries because he doesn't want to go. So why would I even consider forcing him? Because I also feel like crap that he's not there and he's missing out on social opportunities and all that good NT crap.

So today was the day. 9am rolled around and I put that brave face on and dragged him out of bed to his favorite snack (tater tots), reminded him that he was going to school today. I was greeted with the normal "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL" for the next hour. When it came time to have him change to his uniform he flipped out. I had to force dress him all while getting punched and kicked (reminding myself of the greater good). Then put shoes and his jacket one again getting punched and screamed at (still trying to remember the greater good) Then literally dragged him out the door and down the street all while he is still screaming, punching (with his free hand) and kicking me when we stopped to cross the street. By now for me the teary eyes are starting because FUCK the greater good here. Why am I forcing him to endure a school day he doesn't want to be at?!! But we made it, got all the way to school, where he yanked the backpack from my hands and stormed off without so much as a goodbye. I understand he's mad at me, I'm mad at me too. And I really hope he gives his teacher a hard time today so she knows. And next time I'm recording it all so I can show her what we are going through in the morning. Maybe she's stop judging me and offer some sort of help.

What's a cuddle?

I've been trying not to get the heartbreak moments anymore. I realize that its pointless because in the world of autism there are always going to be those golden moments and then those moments that totally break my heart. This morning was no exception.

We were all up early even though the YM daddy takes the kids to school in the morning. It just happened to be one of those mornings where no one can find socks and shoes and "I don't want to wear that jacket" occurs all at the same time. It was also super cold this morning again so I was under the covers with the girls and Racer was laying in the bed with us. Now before I move forward with this story I have to say that when he's ready and willing he's all for a snuggle but it has to be on his terms and never me forcing him to lay close. So when it happens I love it, he's a loving child in his own way but not what you'd get from a NT kid. So I hear him chattering his teeth (he's also a drama kid) and I tell him "come lay with mommy and lets cuddle" To this he tells me "what's cuddle?" Kind of struck me as odd because he likes to cuddle but it never dawned on me that he didn't know what he was actually doing when he lays close to me or his dad. So it turned into a learning experience that I don't think he enjoyed very well. He was giggling and complaining that I was tickling him to much and ended up laying away from me and the girls anyways. lol he doesn't like to be breathed on is another problem. That slightly warm breath on the back of your neck when you snuggle with your loved on unnerves him deeply. It always has, which is probably why I don't cuddle with him unless he wants to.

But that usually ends up with him laying extremely close behind me or at my feet. But this is how it is and probably will before ever. And its not so much a heartbreak moment as it just a different way of doing things. I accept my son for his limits and his differences, its what makes him unique. And while I may be crying on the inside sometimes, I'm lucky and grateful for the chance to look at life from a different point of view