To Short For Light Switches

As its 2012 now I've spent some time looking back at 2011, things that have happened, things I want to change and things I wish never happened. Though I know they have in some way shaped my future it still makes it hard to have had to deal with them.

In that respect I've thought a lot about my lil PigPen and all the changes that either have or haven't happened for her

This pic sums it up pretty much, my goofy girly child. Under that smile though is tiny pounds of frustration. With speech delays, major sensory issues and just being a shorty, life is fairly hard for her. Its taken days sometimes to finally figure out what she's saying sometimes. 

I will admit that I've wanted to write this blog for a long time but I have a mommy confession to make. I've been living in the land of denial with her. I spend so much time working Racer and fighting for services that everything else just falls by the wayside. Add to that the new battle for Wolverine and I haven't had time to notice that PigPen just wasn't progressing like she should be. So this year is going to be her year, I've made the calls to have her tested and we will see how that goes. 

So for now mommy is extra vigilant on PigPen and working with her. She has step stools cause you know what...it sucks to be to short for light switches! It just added to frustration to not even be able to turn on the dang light when she needs to. 

I'm making a promise to her this year...she will not be lost in the shuffle!

My Limit

I must have stared blankly at this screen for a while....all I know is that what runs through my head when I'm about to blog is the millions of things that happen during the day. All of it happens right in front of this computer, in my living room and bedroom.

The screaming and meltdowns, the 5 normal (well sorta) kids and all their issues. Then there is the 3 that have issues. There is Racer with his speech issues, coupled with autism and his fears and his SPD. I have Wolverine with this ADHD and all the screaming and mood swings and just horrible things that come out of his mouth sometimes. At the tail end of all of this I have my sweet PigPen, who struggles with speech just getting someone to understand anything that comes out of her mouth can create a screaming fit throwing meltdown that sets off everyone else in the house. She's got some aspie qualities in there but its mostly the speech that all of a sudden has become more of a issue.

So I sit here day in and day out, trying to figure out a game plan, trying to get through one more day. To reach the end of it so I can maybe sleep? Maybe spend some time with the man I love and father of my children.

So lets just on top of all that, throw in there the bullshit issues with the insurance company, the issues with the school district we've been having. The possibility of being homeless in 30 days, losing the pets cause we can't take them to an apartment.

I wake up to this everyday, its my life and I embrace it with every ounce of my body. But today I thought about something, I thought about how its not just me that goes through this. Its not just my everyday crap its someone elses everyday crap. I embrace those who like me have no where to turn but our blogs and our online support groups. I may be surrounded by family and friends but the other day when I was filling out job applications I couldn't count on one hand all the local friends I might have to use as a reference. That makes me sad, it actually makes me cry.

In this world of autism its become very lonely, the one person the other adult who understands our daily struggles is so overwhelmed with the same issues that when bedtime finally comes for us its crash and burn time.

I can say with great honesty that my online friends are the ones who get me through. The support of my parents when I let them in to all that we go through, is what helps.

This blog post has made me cry more then I actually wanted to....but I needed to write this. If not for me then for all the others who struggle in silence, alone. Know that you are not alone....

Bath Time = Hell?

Bath time....it happens in homes every where around the country. But not everywhere in the country have a household like mine. Most of the time this is what even the word "bath time" invokes

Now just times that by 3 with a boy picture and you've got what bath time is like at my house. Usually leaves me and the kids wanting to lay in the fetal position like this...

BUT NOT TODAY!!

Not quite sure what happened I didn't do anything different. Picked up the first crying, screaming child, did my usual "its gonna be fine" speech. But here is where it changed....dumb butt mommy left the shower head running and didn't plug the tub, lucky for me I have a slow drain so most of the water was catching. For some reason this comforted PigPen and she got it, even played with the water from the shower....WET HER HAIR EVEN! I was amazed, came time to wash her hair she was more then happy to. Racer comes strolling in acting like Mr. Tough Guy and I think he even stood dumbfounded himself cause then HE wanted to get in with the shower running. That coming from the kid who won't even enter the room when the shower is running! I call this a success! May never happen again but I'm gonna bask in this silence that is after bath time.