Friday, July 29, 2011

My Limit

I must have stared blankly at this screen for a while....all I know is that what runs through my head when I'm about to blog is the millions of things that happen during the day. All of it happens right in front of this computer, in my living room and bedroom.

The screaming and meltdowns, the 5 normal (well sorta) kids and all their issues. Then there is the 3 that have issues. There is Racer with his speech issues, coupled with autism and his fears and his SPD. I have Wolverine with this ADHD and all the screaming and mood swings and just horrible things that come out of his mouth sometimes. At the tail end of all of this I have my sweet PigPen, who struggles with speech just getting someone to understand anything that comes out of her mouth can create a screaming fit throwing meltdown that sets off everyone else in the house. She's got some aspie qualities in there but its mostly the speech that all of a sudden has become more of a issue.

So I sit here day in and day out, trying to figure out a game plan, trying to get through one more day. To reach the end of it so I can maybe sleep? Maybe spend some time with the man I love and father of my children.

So lets just on top of all that, throw in there the bullshit issues with the insurance company, the issues with the school district we've been having. The possibility of being homeless in 30 days, losing the pets cause we can't take them to an apartment.

I wake up to this everyday, its my life and I embrace it with every ounce of my body. But today I thought about something, I thought about how its not just me that goes through this. Its not just my everyday crap its someone elses everyday crap. I embrace those who like me have no where to turn but our blogs and our online support groups. I may be surrounded by family and friends but the other day when I was filling out job applications I couldn't count on one hand all the local friends I might have to use as a reference. That makes me sad, it actually makes me cry.

In this world of autism its become very lonely, the one person the other adult who understands our daily struggles is so overwhelmed with the same issues that when bedtime finally comes for us its crash and burn time.

I can say with great honesty that my online friends are the ones who get me through. The support of my parents when I let them in to all that we go through, is what helps.

This blog post has made me cry more then I actually wanted to....but I needed to write this. If not for me then for all the others who struggle in silence, alone. Know that you are not alone....


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