Wednesday, February 29, 2012

When I'm Gone

Yesterday was my birthday.....

As the day came to a end, I looked at my children, I realized that while I won't live forever...that I need to live forever. 

I need to live forever because who is going to love my babies like I do? Who is going to take care of Racer and watch over him? Who can I trust to do what I do when I'm gone? So many times we see in the news about abuse on special needs children and adults. There is no tolerance in society for the differences my children carry. The proof is in the pudding folks...telling myself that "it will be fine, something will work itself out" doesn't cut it anymore.

Getting old has become depressing, I'm racing against the clock to put into place a fool proof plan for the future of my children. Making lots of money to make sure they have no worries isn't enough. I need to find that person who is my clone, who will be there the day that I am not. 

It isn't fair to look to my older children, because while Racer, Wolverine and PigPen aren't a burden....they are life changers. I don't want my older children to feel like this is something they have to do. I want them to be able to lead full lives. 

While Racer may be able to function in society, he is always going to need help, that will never change. So who does that? Who takes my place when I'm gone?


Rivkah said...

I think we all have that depressing question!! :( (Rivkah)

Anonymous said...

Just take one day at time at, but we all know its not easy just do what you can. Happy birthday btw.

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