Never Again Part 2

I've never doubted the power of just one person....one voice can make millions listen sometimes. In my case it has been my loud momma bear one. I hate being "that" person, I hate my kids being "that" person but sometimes it just has to be that way.

Since the 24th its been somewhat of a whirlwind of events and missed appts, trying to fix things for Wolverine. But since that date I have also been able to secure him to be looked at by the special needs team. I wasn't breathing easy since then but I felt like at least something was now being done. Yesterday he was home from school for a doc appt so it was a fairly quiet day considering. Of course the random out burst and meltdowns over the most simplest things but that has become fairly routine with us.

This morning was no different, he woke up yelling and screaming about going to school but he gets dressed and begrudgingly walks to school. Around 11am I get a call because Wolverine has walked out of class for the second time today and now he needs to be picked up. I didn't have the willpower to want to struggle with him again so I sent the Daddy to go get him. Now we live maybe 10 mins from the school but he was gone for a whole hour! I figured he was talking to the school VP about Wolverine but I was sadly mistaken. Apparently the YM daddy got his workout for the morning chasing him around the school to come home, then having to carry him off school grounds to come home, then chase him the 10 min walk home. Now it gets bad in my house...broken toys and ripped books, broken doors and ducking from flung items BUT this!..its never been that bad.  *sigh*

The irony of all of this...the school VP tells the hubs that now he understands what we've been talking about all year long.

To this I say  (if you don't like cussing you should stop reading now)




FUCK YOU! Fuck you for telling me that it was a behavior parental problem! Fuck you for ever doubting that I didn't know what was going on with my OWN FUCKING SON! Fuck you for judging me as some over zealous parent! And finally FUCK YOU for thinking that now I can ever respect you as a school official, YOU dropped the ball and my son has suffered all year long because you lagged! FUCK YOU!

Never Again.

As a parent I make a lot of mistakes....its natural I accept it and move on. No one is perfect and if you are then suck it! But this past week has made me question my trust of other people, those who are in charge of  children's lives including my own. But lets start at the beginning here.....

My son Wolverine is 7 going to be 8 next week, he's my linebacker my crusher with a soft spot. I love him to bits and pieces. He's got this smile that melts hearts....here's proof

But behind that endearing smile and chubby cheeks is the ADHD monster. At first it was just problems at home, made me question my sanity at times. The mood swings the meltdowns the neverending energy and then the crash at bedtime.

Kinder was a breeze for him but I found out he had a "yeller" for a teacher. At first I thought it was a lil harsh for a kinder teacher yelling at all those lil kids but as I would soon realize its what Wolverine needed. Cut to 1st grade and this is when all the problems started now of course we were already having them at home but now it was showing up at school. The teacher he had was wishy washy, I couldn't stand her! I'm sure that she was well meaning and wonderful for other kids but I was going through my gruff stage when I needed/wanted things done and needed a strong person to keep up. I had at this time suggested to them perhaps testing but due to cuts they now have a process where they try to use intervention first instead of testing. I was ok with that at first, it was towards the end of the school year and I thought that maybe with a new teacher things would improve.

This year has literally been hell on earth....I don't always talk about Wolverine as much because I just don't know what I'm doing half the time. He's a whirlwind of emotions and rage and tears, its a scary process sometimes watching him go through all of that. This year we got what I thought was a godsend of a good Vice Principal who was willing to work with Wolverine one on one. He took him under his wing and things "seemed" to get better. But this is when the notes and calls started, all that took place needs to be another blog because its just so much.

So we'll jump to this week.....Now those of you who I talk to in IRL know a lil bit about Wolverine and how he's been the destroyer of classrooms and books and how his teacher ripped up his Easter basket and the crazy bitch that she is. Well I find out that yesterday he spent all day out of his classroom and refused to go inside. I found this out from my daughter...not the school or his teacher. To say that I was livid is describing it as nice as possible. I went off on this guy! Asked him if it was NOW time to test Wolverine....and STILL he said it wouldn't be a good idea. I ranted to him again about how everything he was already doing with him would and shouldn't be considered special needs services. This man is basically his shadow! To where he replies to me the words that I will never ever forget....."well have to done a written request to have him tested?" It dawned on me that no matter how well meaning this guy is that he did not have Wolverines or my best interest at heart. He is a school official and has budget and costs ingrained into him, of course all the other times I requested testing he would say no. He has to see that Wolverine has a problem but refuses to do whats right for whatever reason.

So today I served them with written notice requesting testing I know by law we at least have to have an assessment plan in place before the end of the school year. I refuse to let my judgement as a parent get clouded over someone who seems well meaning anymore. Everyone has their own agenda we all just hope its the same as ours.

Lesson learned.....but NEVER AGAIN

WHAT!?

In this house I'm all for speech, free speech, new speech, improper speech....you name it I love it. But only because Racer used to not talk at all and that really sucked. I know right who would have thought that? Being a parent sometimes all you want to shout is SHUT UP lol I swallow that feeling and welcome the speech! That was until WHAT?!

O M F G!!! WHAT?!

Yea that's all I hear now a days WHAT?! I don't know which one of my brats started it and if I ever find out I will hug and kiss them  NO I will murder and maim them and hide their toys! WHAT?! So here it is WHAT has become the evil tool my kids used to annoy Racer at first, he'd ask them something and they would say WHAT until he started screaming at them and then I started screaming at them (and by screaming I mean talking to them in a peaceful manner) NO fuck that I mean screaming. WHAT?! Then jump to Racer using it on PigPen and OMG when she screams she is literally waking the dead and calling all the dogs from 3 counties over. WHAT?! That is where I have to put a end to the "WHAT?!" because its not that I'm babying PigPen but I'm saving my eardrums from bleeding, blood is so damn hard to get out of clothes! WHAT?!

Cut to the other day and "WHAT?!" was used on me!! Apparently they have learned lil about driving their mother crazy and must think its funny to see me explode. Racer may not be big on expressions but he understands the "look" and stopped. WHAT?!

So I'm not sure how long "WHAT?!" will stick around but..... WHAT?!

To coin a phrase from my ever loving Grandpa  *mutters* "damn kids"


WHAT?!

Changing Teachers

Gina St. Aubin is a wife and mother of 3, one diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, PDD-NOS/Autism, Landau-Kleffner Syndrome (a rare epileptic disorder causing verbal aphasia), Sensory Processing Disorder and Developmental Delays. A former Victim's Advocate turned advocate for those with intellectual and physical challenges, Gina believes being a 'Special Parent' means to Discover, Embrace, Educate, Advocate, Encourage, Treasure and Laugh. Read more on her blog, Special Happens.

Though I begged and pleaded and showered Lisa with gifts only to secure one tiny moment to entertain her readers with...something….when the laptop opened up this time, I was at a loss.  Not wanting to disappoint, nor turn out the serious or heart achingly inspirational crap pieces I find myself typing as of late, I was at a loss to find something humorous from life’s recent events that would make any sort of good writing for anyone.  Thank GAWD for email!

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“FUCK!” Silently saying this is very, very hard!  My head slings back as I’m surrounded by my kiddos, post-dinner, taking a moment to get some work done while Buzz Lightyear played on.  My mind raced.  C was doing laundry (oh yea, he does laundry), and no other words found their way to my mind. 

Are you freaki’n kidding me!?!?!  Really?  Another teacher is leaving!?!?!?  THE teacher is leaving.  THE teacher that took me 2 years to get over her brashness to see the affections she has for our kiddos?  THE teacher who has found a happy medium with what may seem as overbearing parents in comparison to those who never attended IEP meetings, much less had any questions, concerns or interest in participating in their child’s school day - her experiences of the past.  We were working together.  She “gets” J, understands the intricacies of his rare disorders coupled with the more widely known known ones.  And this night she sends this email:

“Dear Parents,

It is with mixed emotions that I send this email. I have accepted another position in (the) County. This was not an easy decision to make because of the relationships that were built with your child and family. I would like to express my sincere appreciation to you. I will miss my students very much! (The administrators) are working toward hiring a new SSN Teacher. “

That’s the WHOLE of the email!!!

Now, I’m thinking this isn’t unusual.  Burnout.  New challenges, staying fresh and all.  But seriously, J has gotten attached to and lost 3 para’s already.  3 in 3 years.  All during his 2nd year.  Para’s he works one-on-one with.  Paras that have figured out the best of him and accepted the worst.  His current Para is staying, she says through next year at least...if she were leaving, there would be a lot more cursing! But...

Quite frankly, I’m fucking tired of the changes.  I’m tired of putting our kiddos who don’t handle change, transition, new routines well through the constant change of the same shit they can’t handle.  I don’t know what the solution is.  Until someone so much smarter than I figures that out, I guess we get to keep breaking my kid’s heart.

Great.

Beans, Exercise, and Thinking Aspergers

I can't yet put into words how honestly fucked up things have been lately. My ability to maintain control is the only thing that hasn't set me off the deep end yet. But I have been able to see the good in the storm, don't ask me how I do it but I do. Part of it has to do with the fact that their are eight other people in this house who count on me to drag my happy ass out of bed everyday and keep moving regardless of how I feel so I do. So on to other things for now.

Beans

Racer is obsessed  with fruit, its the one thing I can get him to eat any time any day. But beans (seeds) stand in our way. Thanks to a well meaning comment from my 7yr old he thinks if you eat the seeds from any fruit it will start growing inside of you. But because of how Racer thinks not only can he not eat beans but no one else can either....I mean God forbid that one of us grows into a apple! So that leads me to today when Racer and the daddy partake in a afternoon snack of apples. Now Racer will carefully eat the whole top of the apple without the "wet" part touching his fingers, he will eat it down to the core and never expose the beans. The daddy on the other hand must not have heard the "beans story" and ate his apple into the core. Now its not like during this whole time Racer isn't warning him insisting he not eat the beans....with my 7yr old shouting from the bedroom about turning into a apple tree, and me trying to hush everyone. It was like a shouting match for WWE I swear, lol and people outside must think we are insane. Anyways what did the daddy do?!! He ate the freaking beans! After Racer warned him not to over and over again, not sure if at this point in Racers mind he's in high alert to see if daddy turns into a tree so we'll see.

Exercise

So the hubs has been all about getting back into shape....good for him right? He goes walking everyday and then comes home and does jumping jacks and push ups. I'm really proud of him because we are not a great will power kind of family. I'd much rather be doing anything but working out lol. The funny part about this is that the girls...CareBear and PigPen have been doing jumping jacks and push ups with him. lol mostly just bouncing and some jumping and then late clapping but its cute and funny as hell. The push ups on the other hand are a weird form of PigPen with her butt in the air and putting her face close to the floor and CareBear sitting and kissing the floor. lol I want in on CareBears exercise plans seems easy enough right? But great for the hubs to be working out!! *high fives and slaps on the ass!*

Thinking Aspergers

Now I've fought with my paranoia for long enough, sat thinking about how others would perceive me if I even suggested that I thought for a second that PigPen might have Aspergers. But the more I look at it and watch it the more it looks just like it. For the longest time I thought maybe she was just copying Racer or attention seeking but its so much more than that. So we are going to try and get her tested, but going on my gut on this one its Aspergers.

Mothers Day?

What is your ideal Mothers Day? Does it involve spending time with your kids, and spouse? Do you do anything for your mom? Does your husband do anything for you or his mother?

I ask this because I think the lines of this day get blurred. So lets just say you have a mother who is living....do you spend the day with her? Maybe a grandmother? Or whoever you felt is the woman who raised you and acted like your mother? I spent yesterday with my mom, it was a nice afternoon with me and her and some of the kids. Today she was with her mom and if I had a car I think I probably would have been there too. But here is the thing that blurs the lines of Mothers Day for me...... I spent it with my kids, I made them pancakes and then we were just here. THAT'S EVERY FREAKING DAY lol so what the fuck is Mothers Day? I love my kids to death but ummm yea if that is what mothers day then that's every day! I'm pretty sure my mom loved all the heart felt crafts that me and my brother made her year after year lol and considering they were the same crafts sometimes she is the most amazing woman on the planet to smile year after year at me and my brother.

Hell the crafts my kids made me are the same stuff that I made my mom oh so many years ago! Teachers need to pull from a new lesson plan on that one!

Here's how I think Mothers Day should go

1. No kids

2. No spouses

3. A drink of some sort that refills on its own when its empty.

4. Bubble bath, hot shower, hot tub, pool, beach.....(pick your poison)

5. And the one thing that makes you happy. And I don't mean your kids, or loved ones. I mean that something you do when all those other people aren't around.

Honestly I want a day to myself. I don't need to spend MORE time with my kids I see them every freaking day! I don't want to hear the word MOM at all on Mothers Day.

I think I'm going to put that plan into effect next year. Maybe send the kids away with the hubs. I'm pretty sure on Fathers Day he's going to want the same respect. Then again its Fathers Day and isn't every day the day the daddy does nothing anyways?!

Normal Resumes......

I've been silently selfish lately. For that last month I've not really wanted to hear or read about everyone else's stuff. Its too much as I sit here waiting for my own stuff to resolve.

SOOOOO I've been on Farmville hiding, or over at Frontierville hiding some more. Don't judge me! I'm a awesome friend ASK ANYONE lol. But I just can't do it, I really really can't. Its emotional overload for me to be where I'm at this month. And I'm totally not asking for sympathy here either.

I just wanted to let you all know where I've been, gonna be there till next week. Cause I know there will be tons to blog about when results day comes. Till then I'm a farmer!