Details in The Autism

This morning when I was walking Racer to school I felt his lil fingers seeking the details in my hand. Over and over circling the lines and textures and I thought about how most of the time kids just hold your hand. How until Racer was born I never noticed all the details of every little thing I do now. Its not just about stopping to smell the roses anymore, now we are looking at what makes the rose, the color of the petals and the thorns on the stem. Why is it there and of course it all has to make sense, I need to know where and why all these things exist.

Its not the "why" stage either, that I'm used to. For him this is wondering about his world and how it all fits. First it was the old gum on the floor, the birds on the wires, then its the cracks on the street the flowers that were there before and now they've been cut back. Where do the leaves go even though the weather hasn't changed.

But its those details he sees that no one else notices or overlooks. Those are the details in the autism, his lil finger searching for how my hand feels different from his. That's when I can smile, because as hard as autism can be sometimes all it takes is those lil details that only he sees.