Thursday, January 6, 2011

The brave face

I just want to say that autism and a NT kindergarten class sucks! This year for Racer has been really hard, he's been going to school since he was three and he's always loved it. Till he started going to his NT kinder class, its been a rough couple of months. In all of this we are trying to get the school to test him again since his SpEd class said they didn't think he had autism. But its been hard for them to test because he hates going to school and up until today I hated forcing him to go.

Till yesterday.....the school psychologist  came by the house to drop off some paperwork that needs to be filled out for the testing to be complete on our end. He again reminded me that it was important that Racer needs to be in school everyday for the nxt 30 days because his IEP needs to be done by the 31st of this month. I also have the haunting words of his teacher when it was overheard her talking about me and Racer and what my excuse was for him not attending again.

Anyways its always been my belief that if he's not happy at school then something is wrong. He used to love it but now refuses. And I don't mean the usual whining and crying, these are full blown kicking, screaming, punching, refusing to get dressed, dragged out the door and down the street to go to school. And it makes me feel like crap when he cries because he doesn't want to go. So why would I even consider forcing him? Because I also feel like crap that he's not there and he's missing out on social opportunities and all that good NT crap.

So today was the day. 9am rolled around and I put that brave face on and dragged him out of bed to his favorite snack (tater tots), reminded him that he was going to school today. I was greeted with the normal "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL" for the next hour. When it came time to have him change to his uniform he flipped out. I had to force dress him all while getting punched and kicked (reminding myself of the greater good). Then put shoes and his jacket one again getting punched and screamed at (still trying to remember the greater good) Then literally dragged him out the door and down the street all while he is still screaming, punching (with his free hand) and kicking me when we stopped to cross the street. By now for me the teary eyes are starting because FUCK the greater good here. Why am I forcing him to endure a school day he doesn't want to be at?!! But we made it, got all the way to school, where he yanked the backpack from my hands and stormed off without so much as a goodbye. I understand he's mad at me, I'm mad at me too. And I really hope he gives his teacher a hard time today so she knows. And next time I'm recording it all so I can show her what we are going through in the morning. Maybe she's stop judging me and offer some sort of help.


Jen said...

Are we living the same life?!?! This is SO us, too!!! Katie HATES going to school. She was OK with preschool, but starting in K and this year in first, she HATES it. She actually begs me to homeschool her. She does throw down at school, too, but they always downplay it, make an excuse, tell me other kids do it. Oh yeah? I call BS. Sure, some kids might get homesick beginning of the year, but they DO NOT have screaming fits all year long, run from rooms, hide under tables...HATE school.

What do they think is going on with him if not Autism? Who gave him the dx? Katie has a pddnos dx, but we are thinking it will be Aspergers b/c of how her neuropsych and IQ test came out.

I feel the same way, that if she hates school THAT much, should she be there? How's a kid to make progress??? It's very hard, and I am right there with you.

RacersMommy said...

This is our problem, we got a provisional Dx frm Regional Center. His first PreK SpEd class agreed with us, but then we moved and this new class thinks he's fine, they even went as far to say that they thought it was just bad parenting in no small words.

So now he's in the NT kinder class and he's being retested by a new IEP team because we got a Dx of autism when we did a study with UCLA. In addition to that Regional Center is also going to send him to the autism clinic to be retested with them.

Truthful Mommy said...

Aww, so sorry that you are stuck in the uncomfortable position between the rock and the hard place. You need to follow your heart and do what you think is best for Racer, all the rest of the factors are not important.You are his Mama, you know what works and what doesn't..for him.Do your best and forgive yourself.HUGS!

Jen said...

We have been there. We first got a provisional dx for Katie, too, which the school looked at as not a read dx. Once her speech eval was done (in her dev peds office) he changed it from provisional since she tested on the spectrum on the ados the SLP gave her and b/c of her pragmatic issues. STILL, just recently her social skills person told us she doesn't even see pddnos...but maybe now we are waiting to be evaluated for's rough! Good luck! I am looking forward to hearing how his results come out.

RacersMommy said...

After thinking all this weekend I'm seriously considering pulling him from Kinder for the year and letting Regional Center come in and help with their therapies. Up until this last year he's been extremely babyish then as if over night he sprung up as a 5yr. While the rest of us are trying to catch up and emotionally I think that's been hard for him and all of us.

Hopefully I hear from Regional Center soon in regards to their testing as well.

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