For Deeds!!

Hi all its Monday and that means its Deeds blogging day!

I'd first like to say how much progress he has made, it amazes me everyday when his mom posts pics or tweets his updates for his. If you'd like to catch up then here is their blog .

But they have a new fundraiser and it is with Krispy Kreme donuts. Please help them out! Deeds needs a service dog!

Xbox Cheating?

This story has greatly upset me  xbox cheater

The video is heart breaking....because not only am I a gamer myself but this could be my son some day and I would hate for the one thing he loves the most to turn on him. I have to ask myself what I would do if it was us. Gaming is a way of life for my family, both me and the daddy play, the kids have their own accts. We don't get the benefit of always going out to places because of Racer sensory issues. So we are homebound by choice and I don't think many people get that about us. We don't go to the movies or out to eat and I haven't dreamed about Disneyland the way I used to. Our trip to Knotts killed that years ago. So we play video games, we watch movies on Netflix and I have to say that I love my life. There are some days that maybe I would cave and whine about not going anywhere but then I look around at how close my kids are because of what me and the daddy have made for them at home. A place where we all feel safe and comfortable. I'm not looking for the dirty looks lol because they only come from the teens.

Anyways getting off track here.

I feel bad for this family, and I'm going to submit a letter to xbox about my feelings towards it, because regardless of their statement. I've dealt with their bullshit, hell I got my acct suspended. But I also know that they are full of shit when they say they found a legit cheater. Someone ratted this kid out thats the way it goes with Microsoft. They do nothing until something is reported to them. I've played with cheaters and know for a fact that nothing has ever happened to them......so I'd like to know WTF microsoft? What did this kid do to deserve this treatment?

FU school District and oh thanks for services!

After finally getting the required services for Racer at his IEP yesterday I'm on cloud nine!!!! And to think it only too a fucking year for them to do it   WAY TO GO SCHOOL DISTRICT!!! There is one thing I will never ever understand about school districts.....ONE they either go wayyyy out of their way to support their students or TWO they don't give a flying shit about their students. I think in some districts they are just numbers, money making seat fillers. And that in my book is fucked up, NEVER EVER should a child be a money making seat filler. But it happens time and time again. So many of my other moms out there are still struggling to get services for their child or children. And I have to wonder what the fuck? Why is this a problem? Why do we have IDEA and FAPE? if they don't actually want to use it? Why are schools risking lawsuits that would cost them far more then actually giving the child the services they really need? Answer ONE to that is parents! Not enough of us know the ins and outs of all the laws that are always changing. Answer TWO is once again DING DING DING you guessed it, the school districts! You know that handy lil packet of paper they give you that address your rights and rules? Ever notice that they hand it to you RIGHT BEFORE the IEP meeting? Why don't they hand it to us when we request testing? How come they don't hand that out to parents who register their kids for school? I suppose we could stop the entire IEP process and sit and read it, but I don't think that is entirely the point here.

And even though I got services for Racer I'm fucking pissed that it took this damn long to get them! And will next year be another battle? The year after that? If I feel he isn't meeting his goals and they do? I have one thing to say and I'm going to say it loud and proud and I'm going to keep saying it till everyone gets it. IF YOU ARE WORKING WITH MY SON....AND HIS BEST INTERESTS ARE WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SERVE THEN LISTEN TO ME! Don't ignore me school district, school staff and teacher. I know my child better then you ever will!

Oh and PS the next time some one wants to accuse my parenting skills, last time I checked I was only having problems with ONE child not seven of them.

Where did Bonnie and Clyde go?

When PigPen was a baby, Racer paid her no mind. He ignored her cried, even covered her with a blanket so he didn't have to see her anymore. He was two, he was sorta of odd and I mean that in a endearing way because I never thought of him as odd. He was my child and I loved him and everything he did. As the year progressed and he didn't I became worried like most parents do (thats another blog). Turns out he had autism, so we cried and got lost like most parents do in that first year. But at the mark of 3yrs old for Racer and 1yr old for PigPen things began to change in their dynamic relationship. As Racer progressed and he got better (sorta) he reached out to PigPen. At first I thought it was awesome, he wouldn't really play with his older sibs as much as he would play near them. Or chase after them because that didn't need social rules to play it was either chase or be chased.

But with PigPen he didn't need to talk or impress her, she was impressed with just his quiet manor. The way he set up his toys and not ever once did she mess with them like most toddlers would. Then as PigPen turned 2 and Racer was 4 it changed even more. PigPen is the quiet type, she talks a lot now but she was smaller then the rest of the kids and was just generally quiet. But she loved her some Racer and Racer loved his sister. I could see it, it was there every day when he would seek her out when he woke up. How he would sit quietly in bed till she woke up and then it was time to play. Then they turned into Tommy and Dill Pickles from the RugRats I swear to god! I would fine them helping each other get into things they couldn't other wise without each other. It warmed my heart because no matter what they had each other. Then CareBear came into the picture and Racers sisters were his life. He adores them! And even though I've never heard him say "I love you" (without prompts) I knew how he felt!

Now here comes where it breaks my heart. PigPen is now 3yrs old and Racer is 5yrs old and CareBear is 1. And while he still adores his sisters. PigPen has some what out grown her dear lil brother. She's talking, expressing emotions, throwing needs for social structure and rules. And while she isn't firm in these things, Racer doesn't always understand it. Over the last 2yrs they were my Tommy and Dill, my Bonnie and Clyde because where one went the other followed! And sadly its changing, Bonnie is moving and growing and soon will see that her brother is different. But she will still love him, that is her Clyde I will never doubt the love my kids have for each other. Its evident everyday. No matter how much Wolverine fights with Racer that's his brother and he will and has defended him till his last breath (another blog)

So while Bonnie and Clyde may move slowly apart they will always love each other but its going to be different sooner or later. That last pic is old lol but CareBear won't sit still for pictures anymore lol

For Deeds!

I want to start by saying what a strong twitter community I belong to! I used to laugh at people on twitter because I thought it was a complete waste of time. I don't even remember how I got started on there again. But I'm glad I did. I have found similar struggles, and strengths in my twitter friends. And I adore each and everyone of them. When one cries we all do and then we all reach out to do what ever we can to help each other out.

Which leads me to Deeds. As I posted on my facebook page he recently suffered a accident which has left him burned. His family has blogged about it here and you can find their facebook page for them here. So here is where I ask for your help. All of you either outside of my twitter community or on my facebook page. They have been trying to raise money to get Deeds a service dog. If any of you don't know what that is you can find the information about them here. Its a great service and a great cause for a awesome family! They need your help and every little dollar helps. Even if you can donate you can pass along the word to someone who can. Our words our dollars our change can help him! So please even in these tough times remember in some small way to help out others who really need it.

WOOOHOOOO YAY ME!!!!

The most awesome of awards that I have ever received....almost better then mommy of the year!

This awesome award was given to me by Jen who I adore even though I've never told her! You can read her stuff at http://www.livinglifewithasideofautism.com/


This awesomeness started with Jill though and she knows I adore her lol and here is her blog page!http://yeahgoodtimes.blogspot.com/

With it comes many, many rules (and threats):

1. You must proudly display the absolutely disgusting graphic that I have created for these purposes (put it in your post, you don't have to put it in your sidebar, I think that would seriously be asking too much). It's so bad that not only did I use COMIC SANS, but there's even a little fucking jumping, celebrating kitten down there at the bottom. It's horrifying! But its presence in your award celebration is crucial to the memetastic process we're creating here. If you need a higher resolution version... I totally have one!!

2. You must list 5 things about yourself, and 4 of them must be bold-faced lies. Just make some shit up, we'll never know; one of them has to be true, though. Of course, nobody will ever know the difference, so we're just on the honor system here. I trust you. Except for the 4 that you lied about, you lying bastards! But don't go crazy trying to think of stuff, you'll see by the example I've set below that we're not really interested in quality here.

3. You must pass this award on to 5 bloggers that you either like or don't like or don't really have much of an opinion about. I don't care who you pick, and nobody needs to know why. I mean, you can give a reason if you want, but I don't really care.

4. If you fail to follow any of the above rules, I will fucking hunt your ass down and harass you incessantly until you either block me on Twitter or ban my IP address from visiting your blog. I don't know if you can actually do that last thing, but I will become so annoying to you that you will actually go out and hire an IT professional to train you on how to ban IP addresses just so that I'll leave you alone. I'm serious. I'm going to do these things. Starting with the 5 of you I'm about to pass this award on to.

Ok so here it goes... probably the easiest blog I will have ever written lol

1.I can speak over 50 languages

2. I once broke a jar of baby food over my ex boyfriends face

3.I live in a cardboard box with great internet service

4.I'm actually a Vampire

5. Also I'm a Ninja

Now here are my lucky award winners.

Nidia over at My Daughter is My Hero
Ellen over at http://www.lovethatmax.com/
SM over at http://www.themomadventures.com/
Jessica over at http://fourplusanangel.com/
Brenda over at http://mamabegood.blogspot.com/

So now its your turn!!

For Nicky

Dear Nicky

This is my most favorite song right now. It means a lot to me and my son his name is Racer and sometimes he gets picked on. Right now he is only 5 and sometimes doesn't understand what it all means but like him, you are a FIREWORK! Never let anyone tell you any different! You are a awesome young man, sometimes other kids can be mean and hurtful but you are a FIREWORK!! Never ever forget that! You can shine as bright as the moon!

Listen to the words to the song and remember you are a FIREWORK!!

Day 3 of gifting

Ok I realize that I'm seriously behind in these blog posts. I've had a bit of self pity lately and not really wanting to sit on the computer and blog. So I'm going to catch up or at least try in these next few days. I have a new personal mission after attending a Autism workshop....which I'm going to blog about as well.

So day three went pretty much like day two. Racer has actually been pleasant to be around and I know how that sounds really harsh and uncaring but when I've forced him to go to school he takes on this angry meltdown sort of attitude. I feel like when he's at school he knows how to behave because he's been "trained" in how to act. Then I wonder if his teacher even knows what she's looking for to see if he's stressed. ANYWAYS lol

Racers really taken to the new time frame I have set up for him in the morning. I put his clothes out and he eats his breakfast. After breakfast he gets dressed, with the door closed....lately he doesn't want anyone looking at him get dressed. Though most of the time I find him jumping on his bed and I have to remind him again and again to get dressed. And then we are off on our walk, which I really really love. I'm glad I can find these times with him to talk even if it is just with me and even if it is the same conversation over and over again. I try and throw him by answering him differently but he catches me and makes me answer him again lol.

He's remembering what his gifts mean to him and the days of the week accordingly, realizing that he has so many days to go before he hits Saturday and that is progress. He's happy when I leave him at the gate I even get a mumbled "I love you too" from him even if I do have to prompt it. I didn't even get that before so I'm grateful for the mood change.

Today when he got home he picked his third puzzle of the ocean scenes. Which he immediately opened and set to work on, if there is one thing he is good at right now its puzzles.

As a side note I will be posting the slightly different behavior that has come about with him going to school everyday, after I get thru the last two days of gifting

Day 2 of Gifting

So I'm seriously totally behind here on the days of gifting blogs but I realized something today. With Racer going to school its been quiet. I've also been working out in the mornings so I have this new found energy. I actually haven't wanted to sit on the computer when I get home from dropping him off at school. I have to admit that I missed my somewhat alone time. I'm on constant alert for meltdowns and its tiring. I won't feel guilty for it either. Anyways here we go....day 2 of gifting

haha lets see if I remember

Ok so its been going really well actually. I've set up a bit of a morning routine for him to better transition for him. He's not much of a early riser so I've been setting the Racer alarm, goes off around 9:10am. I get him up and ready for breakfast, while he's eating I set his clothes on his bed. I try not to be in so much of a rush in the morning but if I get him up any earlier he's all ASD before we hit the sidewalk to go to school. Lately we've had our morning talks. Same questions every morning, asking about where the flowers went, and why the birds are always on that same wire in the same spot every morning. He's also taken to counting how long everything is, its his new thing. Counts fences, brick walls, cars just about everything he sees. He asks about how many more days he has till Friday then we sing the days of the week song. lol seems like a lot of talking in such a short walk but its amazing and I love our mornings together. His thoughts are muddled by sounds and lots of people and our usual YuckMouth chaos. He's also started calling bama (grandma) in the mornings to tell her he's going to school. Problem with this is when we are walking she's just starting her day at work so she can't always answer the phone so we have to throw in teaching him how to leave messages. Then the million questions about why she didn't answer. His favorite one is that she is still sleeping, haha and this bothers him to no end.

So we get to school and take our picture which he loves doing now

He's a lil ham!

So on this day he picked his sea life puzzle as his second day prize. So its been going really well, we've had some other added stresses from him but nothing we can't handle.

Day 1 of gifting

So I'm a little behind here, I'm actually on day two of gifting but haven't blogged about day one.

The weekend was hard, Racer wanted his prizes for going to school but since he hadn't gone anywhere yet he had to wait. And we all know "waiting" is the hardest thing ever for a child with autism. Monday morning rolled around and YM daddy got the older kids off to school and let me snuggle in bed longer with the girls and Racer. Till the Racer alarm went off and I realized it was time for their breakfast and getting Racer off to school. What I've decided to do is get him up a lil earlier then usual, make him his breakfast but put his clothes out on his bed instead of attacking him with them. This proved to work a lil better till I went into his room and he was just jumping on his bed instead of getting dressed. So I reminded him that he needed to go and that he wouldn't be getting any of his gifts till he went to school.

With just a tad bit of fussing he finally got dressed on his own and actually got his backpack and jacket on. The mini mom in me was jumping up and down grateful that my moms plan worked. As we walked to school he reminded me that we needed to call bama and let her know he was going to school and also take his picture when we got there. Its funny tryin to get him to leave a message for her. He didn't enjoy talking to her beep as he called it. Then the million questions about why she didn't answer the phone and was she still sleeping lol and if she was sleeping why wasn't she awake yet. In his mind if the sun is up then its morning time. But you know what regardless of all the millions of questions I'm completely grateful for it, because a year ago he was nonverbal and that was horrible.

So off to school we went, him counting the length of fences and yelling at dogs, questioning where the flowers where and what not. When we got there he posed for his picture but the sun was shinning in his eyes so he couldn't really see but here is what we got.

And off he went, so much better then the day that he struggled and snatched his backpack from my hands and stormed off. I was so proud of him, because I know how much he hates going to school.

Well I was home for when he got to pick his gift but YM daddy said it went really well, that he picked his

He is and always be my puzzle kid from day one its one of the few things he's excelled at.

Five days of gifting

So you all know recently that we've been having trouble getting Racer to school. Over this past weekend I was shopping with my mom and Racer and he found this red sparkly hat

lol

Racer loves hats and he got quickly attached to this one. So my mom decided that she would use this to get him to go to school. She agreed to buy it for him BUT only if he went to school on Monday. So after some prodding and getting his normal angry he decided it seemed like a good deal.

So our shopping trip carried on like this, Racer asking for stuff but my mom agreed to buy it if he went to school. In the end he has five things for every day of the week. Over the next few days I'm gonna blog about how it goes. Day one was yesterday so I have some catching up to do lol

In Memory

So for the next few days I probably won't be blogging. Recently my family suffered the loss of another close family member and the services are tomorrow and Monday. I just know its going to be a tough couple of days for me and my family. I shall return, it will be a interesting week. My mom bought Racer a bag of goodies in hopes that he will go to school for each of his treats. So I'll have plenty to blog about as we endure the school week with him.

EleFun?

So I'm a awesome mom! I don't to toot my own horn but yea TOOT TOOT. For Christmas I always make sure the kids get the few random things that they ask for. If not from me and the daddy then from the loads of family and extended family that we/they have. This year they wanted some random board games and art supplies. My outspoken #3 wanted this Barbie Jet plane thing but she as usual is out of her lovely mind lol.

So this year they wanted  *drum roll please*

Now I'm all for fun and games and this one seemed really cool. Four nets....good idea for the 4 youngest that would be playing. So Christmas rolled around and I was kinda freaking out because they hadn't gotten it yet. But there is was, unwrapped by Wolverine....he was elated! Hell the kids got a Kinect for Christmas but this EleFun game was where it was at!

Cut to a few days later and bummed to find out that we didn't get batteries! No problem I ran down to the local 99cents store and grabbed a few just to tide them over till I did my usual run to Target. UMmmmmm this turned out to be NO BUENO......major NO BUENO actually. lol the cheap batteries didn't have enough power to even inflate the elephants trunk.....someone get this guy some Viagra STAT. Me and the daddy start giggling about how the poor guy can't keep it up. The YM's are getting pissy because nothing is happening, and then there is was one stray random butterfly and they all went ape shit knocking each other around to get the prize. Cut again to a few minutes later and here comes another one.  I'm sitting there and the Snickers commercial pops in my head *not going anywhere for a while?* Epic parent fail here, the one toy they were so happy to get and it just sucks.

So the daddy, being the awesome daddy he is had a brilliant idea, now at some point I must have stopped paying attention or something because I turn around and the daddy is standing on the couch with a small tissue box in hand and counting to three and it happens. Floating butterflies! Screaming kids, arms, legs flying then the usual OH YOU GOT MORE THEN ME. Then the counting again by daddy and more giggling screams.....to funny. I being the great one again, grabbed the camera and recorded it, lol and if the daddy gives me permission I will eventually attach it to this blog because its to funny to miss.

The brave face

I just want to say that autism and a NT kindergarten class sucks! This year for Racer has been really hard, he's been going to school since he was three and he's always loved it. Till he started going to his NT kinder class, its been a rough couple of months. In all of this we are trying to get the school to test him again since his SpEd class said they didn't think he had autism. But its been hard for them to test because he hates going to school and up until today I hated forcing him to go.

Till yesterday.....the school psychologist  came by the house to drop off some paperwork that needs to be filled out for the testing to be complete on our end. He again reminded me that it was important that Racer needs to be in school everyday for the nxt 30 days because his IEP needs to be done by the 31st of this month. I also have the haunting words of his teacher when it was overheard her talking about me and Racer and what my excuse was for him not attending again.

Anyways its always been my belief that if he's not happy at school then something is wrong. He used to love it but now refuses. And I don't mean the usual whining and crying, these are full blown kicking, screaming, punching, refusing to get dressed, dragged out the door and down the street to go to school. And it makes me feel like crap when he cries because he doesn't want to go. So why would I even consider forcing him? Because I also feel like crap that he's not there and he's missing out on social opportunities and all that good NT crap.

So today was the day. 9am rolled around and I put that brave face on and dragged him out of bed to his favorite snack (tater tots), reminded him that he was going to school today. I was greeted with the normal "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL" for the next hour. When it came time to have him change to his uniform he flipped out. I had to force dress him all while getting punched and kicked (reminding myself of the greater good). Then put shoes and his jacket one again getting punched and screamed at (still trying to remember the greater good) Then literally dragged him out the door and down the street all while he is still screaming, punching (with his free hand) and kicking me when we stopped to cross the street. By now for me the teary eyes are starting because FUCK the greater good here. Why am I forcing him to endure a school day he doesn't want to be at?!! But we made it, got all the way to school, where he yanked the backpack from my hands and stormed off without so much as a goodbye. I understand he's mad at me, I'm mad at me too. And I really hope he gives his teacher a hard time today so she knows. And next time I'm recording it all so I can show her what we are going through in the morning. Maybe she's stop judging me and offer some sort of help.

What's a cuddle?

I've been trying not to get the heartbreak moments anymore. I realize that its pointless because in the world of autism there are always going to be those golden moments and then those moments that totally break my heart. This morning was no exception.

We were all up early even though the YM daddy takes the kids to school in the morning. It just happened to be one of those mornings where no one can find socks and shoes and "I don't want to wear that jacket" occurs all at the same time. It was also super cold this morning again so I was under the covers with the girls and Racer was laying in the bed with us. Now before I move forward with this story I have to say that when he's ready and willing he's all for a snuggle but it has to be on his terms and never me forcing him to lay close. So when it happens I love it, he's a loving child in his own way but not what you'd get from a NT kid. So I hear him chattering his teeth (he's also a drama kid) and I tell him "come lay with mommy and lets cuddle" To this he tells me "what's cuddle?" Kind of struck me as odd because he likes to cuddle but it never dawned on me that he didn't know what he was actually doing when he lays close to me or his dad. So it turned into a learning experience that I don't think he enjoyed very well. He was giggling and complaining that I was tickling him to much and ended up laying away from me and the girls anyways. lol he doesn't like to be breathed on is another problem. That slightly warm breath on the back of your neck when you snuggle with your loved on unnerves him deeply. It always has, which is probably why I don't cuddle with him unless he wants to.

But that usually ends up with him laying extremely close behind me or at my feet. But this is how it is and probably will before ever. And its not so much a heartbreak moment as it just a different way of doing things. I accept my son for his limits and his differences, its what makes him unique. And while I may be crying on the inside sometimes, I'm lucky and grateful for the chance to look at life from a different point of view