Boys Will Be Boys ~ Unless They're Being Drama Queens! My Guest post frm over at the Monster House

I typically write about my special needs child, or my family as a whole on my own blog. However, I felt that I needed to give equal time to my older boys, who rarely ever make an appearance in my writing. So, I'm excited to be a guest here today to share my boys with the blogosphere!

My #2 and #3 monsters are two years apart in age, 14 and 12. They are the reason for which the phrase “Boys will be boys” came about. They work hard, they play hard, and they live hard. They go full tilt with everything they do. And they are also dang cute.

They are also.. drama queens. In a really big way. My teenage daughter and my 11 year old daughter have NOTHING on these boys. Everything is one of two things: really amazing or cripplingly devastating. If they don't want to do a chore? They will go without dinner, they will go without free time for weeks on end. #3 will sit on his behind and do nothing, fail classes, and then cry and stomp and slam doors, because we have a failing grade=no free time policy at the Monster House.

However, my boys are also my heroes. #2 is Logan's favorite sibling. He would rather have his brother than me or the Daddy. And #2 is so gentle and loving with him, it makes me tear up on a really regular basis.

I just don't get it. Is it possible that these children have multiple personalities? Is it possible for teen and pre-teen boys to have PMS? These boys that would duel to the death if anyone hurt their sibs, but on the other hand, they are fully prepared to duel to the death with their sibs, too. Maybe it's just that they like sword play?

I have yet to figure out the finer points of mothering teenage sons. They are oh, so independent, and oh, so manly and strong and brave and invincible.  And they cry for Momma when they are sick or hurt.

So, my friends, what's a Momma to do? Do I embrace the fact that these children of mine are no longer my babies and just be happy that they still call me Momma in times of crisis? Or are they still young enough to be my babies for just a while longer? Here's a hint... choose answer #2.

How have YOU dealt with your babies not being babies anymore?

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Caryn Haluska is the brilliant writer responsible for the chaos over at livingwithlogan.com . She writes about special needs parenting, monster antics, and ben and jerry ice cream upon occasion

The Great Divide?

Recently on twitter I was part of a chat about anti vax and pro vax. Now I'm not saying yet whether I believe or not but hear me out. I feel the greater good is standing together for our children no matter what the cause. But I was told that it was like trying to get Republications and Democrats to agree about abortion. I felt that was a lil extreme and this is why.

I have a best friend and she's more than a best friend, she's my heart and my wifey and just about everything to me.  I don't know if she knows how much she really means to me but there it is for the world to see. We met on Myspace a long ass time ago and bonded in that internet sort of friendly way. Then  I found out that Racer had autism and I sort of dropped off the face of the internet, I didn't know where to turn or who to talk to other then the hubs. Then for whatever reason I happened to be looking thru Myspace again and I came across her blog and it made me cry. Here she was dealing with the same thing I was! She had just found out that her daughter had autism as well. Well I txt her and we reconnected again. We have bonded, playdated, and shared many tears of joy, fear, and happiness. When her daughter finally started talking and even though Racer wasn't anywhere near that, I was over joyed for her success, because it was ours to share. And the thing that has brought us so close together was the fact that our kids have autism. We have been fast friends for more then 5yrs and nothing has ever changed that and nothing ever will.

In the autism community it is very easy to bond with other parents who share the same belief system that you do and shun the rest of the community.

A few years ago I posted something about how vaccines didn't cause autism and there was my friend posting her thoughts on it. And we had disagreed, I thought long and hard on this and to me it didn't matter. She was still my best friend and I still loved her.

So I can't understand for the life of me why parents can't get along regardless of cause, because the one thing that binds us is autism. It always will, no matter the cause, or the cure, or the prevention. We are autism!

Another way for Awareness for Autism

I'm posting this for a friend of mine, she is another mom getting a service dog for her son with autism. You can find her story here at A Dog For Caden. They also have a facebook page where she is sharing stories of other families and people who have autism.

Here is her mission and I hope that my readers can share her page with others or share your story with her.

After our son Caden was diagnosed with autism, we became dedicated to increasing autism awareness one picture at a time! We believe in supporting those with autism and their friends and families, as well as helping to dispel the variety of myths about autism that exist in the world by featuring children, young adults, and adults on the spectrum and their stories. Our goal is to feature a new person each week. Please find us on facebook at An Autism Service Dog For Caden or on our website at http://adogforcaden.yolasite.com

For Deeds and The Twitter Party!

Hi everyone! Its Monday again and that means that its time to blog for Deeds! This week the twitter moms got something special going and here it is

This is being brought to us by the ever lovely Monster Mommy and one of my besties!!! For more details you should head over to her site at Living with Logan. I hope you can all join us and help Deeds get his service dog!!!

Simply amazing!!

This lil girl is just simply amazing!

The Breaking Point

I found it the other day, the one where you're on the verge of tears and about to scream I NEED HELP!! Then I looked around, and lurked online and calmed myself down. See its like this, I can scream about needing help and cry and bang my head against the wall but in the end the help I get is the help that only I can offer. I tend to take to much on, I have the "do it all" syndrome I know where I get it from and sadly that's never going to change. But I'm a mom, and even if I ever found the help to do it all I think I'd be secretly doing it all anyways. You know like how you hire a housekeeper and then clean before she gets there? But oh man would I love a housekeeper, in a house with seven kids its never clean and I could clean and clean and I would never be done. I've decided that's a task I'm letting go, I refuse to drive myself or the kids crazy always trying to keep clean during the day.

But here I am slowly sinking down the drain and trying to keep my head above water all while running a household on a limited budget and I can still find the happiness in it all and some days its hard I tell ya. Some days, like yesterday I just don't want to get out of bed and so I stayed in bed lol. And its not depression, its being a parent, being a parent of a child with special needs and a parent of seven kids. Some days I just hit my breaking point. The days, weeks, months where there is just not enough time in the day to do it all. And not enough sleep at night to remember what I did the day before.

I think it would be nice if I could hire someone to follow me around, taking notes, picking up toys, wiping noses, and making yucky PB&J sandwiches. Then I could have more time to do all the other things that need to get done. And before you say "Well you decided to have kids, what did you expect?" Think back to the day that you had your breaking point.....have you had one? You don't even have to openly admit it either, but this is my blog and I'm going to be honest here. My readers and myself deserve that, I can't be phony, parenting isn't all rainbows and sunshine all the time.

So there it is, I've had a rough couple of weeks. Some hateful mean comments thrown around like its candy. And in the end that's what makes it worse, its like walking around with a dirty wet coat. You can't take it off and it just makes you sick and icky feeling. And let me just add this fucking weather isn't helping either. Cold, rainy and windy...then my sun comes out and then cold, rainy and windy.

My First Product Review!!

I'm very excited to bring to you my very first product review. Through another mommy blogger I was able to get into the tomoson product review website. I love it, I have a ways to go because I don't have enough followers just yet but I've got a awesome product sent to me just recently.

From the company Olivers Labels I was sent a sample sheet of their sticker labels. I love that the company was willing and able to work with me on the samples, I have two young daughters that I wanted to be able to use them for. They sent me one sheet each with their names on them in the animal faces design. On the sheet they sent were labels for shoes, a larger label, mini labels and labels for clothes. By far my favorite have to be the mini labels! With 7 kids and 7 tooth brushes everyone always pretends they don't know who's tooth brush is who's. Well I just cut out the problem with the help of Olivers Labels!! They also have iron on labels for clothing, which in my house is also a bonus when you have a child with sensory issues and they have problems with regular label tags.

In all the products they offer they also have a "found it" code that is on the label. This means that if your childs sippy cup, favorite jacket, or anything else our kids tend to lose, they can now be recovered using the "found it" code.  Its a easy to use system that never gives out any costumers  private information but is able to retrieve their lost items. You can find that information here.

In all I was quite happy with the labels and I will be ordering from them in the future!

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255 Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising. Tomoson Product review & giveaway Disclosure.

My Sleep....its Essential to you!

Why do you ask? Because on day I dunno like a millionth without a decent nights sleep I'm beginning to feel like a psychotic killer. So here are like the few greatest reasons why my sleep is essential to you.

1. If I don't sleep enough, my mind gets a little cloudy, means I forget things. Now this could be a bonus to my kids who might come home with a bad report card (teens I'm glaring in you're direction).

2. I might use a cup of salt instead of sugar when I make those cookies my family adores so much.

3. I could show up with my mexican frizz hair, no bra and bring you lunch at school (teens again looking at you)

4. I could drink so much Monster to try and keep up that I become radioactive and destroy the whole town.

5. I could write blogs that will embarrass my children for the rest of their lives....Oh wait I already do that lol

6. I could yell more then I usually do, because my brain feels like mush and everything is in this painfully slow mode. And when its like that I can't hear correctly so I don't think you do either.

7. I could make the most amazing farmville farm EVER! Yes I play Farmville DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

8. Twice now I've forgotten what I was blogging about. See how sleep is important!

9. If I don't get enough sleep all the YM's could be late to school, because it seems like I'm the only working alarm clock in the house! And today mommy slept right through it.

And the most important one of all.

10.  If mommy doesn't get enough sleep she intends to either sell her children or move to a island somewhere that children that don't sleep through the night aren't allowed (Racer and CareBear now I'm really looking at you)!

For Deeds!

So its Monday and that means its Deeds day. Now I've been a bad mommy and last week I didn't blog for Deeds so I'm sending myself on a mommy time out here

While I'm gone the YuckMouths are going to gather all the cans and bottles that they can get their hands on to recycle them and send the money to Deeds. I've been telling them all about them and they want to help the lil boy who is like their brother. And you should too! We're not a wealthy family but we found a way to help. Perhaps its just all your change at the end of the week or maybe its your coffee money once a week but Deeds needs our help. You can find his story here I hope they touch your heart as much as they have touched the YuckMouth household!

About a Girl

When Katie was three our pediatrician diagnosed her with pddnos. She had seem my child in all her glory, and told us a program like ABA would be beneficial.

The problem? Our school district didn't agree. A medical diagnosis isn't good enough, you know. A child needs an educational diagnosis to receive services at school. She was in an integrated preschool program, but only received speech therapy, and they refused to give her anything more. In their opinion her behaviors were just part of her personality. She was constantly sitting in time out, and was even told she wasn't welcome in the classroom if she continued to behave a certain way. At 3. Can I add that she barely spoke at this age, too. Severely behind on verbal communication, but her behaviors were looked at as having nothing to do with that. Right.

To this day I 100% believe that had Katie been a boy she would have been diagnosed much earlier. People would have looked at her behaviors, lack of communication, social differences, and seen her for what she was-a child with Autism. Instead, she was just a drama queen.

There are other things that don't stand out for girls. Lining up dolls or stuffed animals isn't a red flag like the lining up of cars. All Katie did, and still does to this day, is line up her "girl" toys, but not actually pretend play with them.

On Katie's 3rd birthday my mom bought her a dollhouse and came over early to set it all up. Any other 3 yr old girl would run over ecstatic. I have witnessed other 3yo's playing with a dollhouse. Heck, my 15 mo niece can appropriately play with one. Katie walked over and began throwing and pushing all the pieces out, then walked away. Just her personality, right?

It is frustrating how every day when picking Katie up from preschool I got a bad report. It became even more frustrating inKindergarten, even after her diagnosis, when I received phone calls and notes home about her behavior, without anyone caring there was a root cause. Oh, and did I mention no one thought to share her IEP with any teacher besides the classroom one? So you can image the tings I heard from her gym teacher, music teacher, art teacher...

At one point last year the school guidance counselor even pulled me aside and handed me a note. When I opened it, it read 1,2,3 Magic. Yes, because Katie was just a discipline problem. (and we already own a copy, thanks).

Let me hazard a guess that if a little boy started hitting his classmates, you can be sure something would be done. Katie starts hitting and it's pushed under the rug. No big deal.

If a little boy crumpled his papers in class and refused to do his work there is probably a good chance that behavior would be flagged. Not with Katie. Of course it's not that she has a weak grasp and hates writing. Of course it isn't because the anxiety over having to do work or take a test gets the best of her. She is a girl and girls are drama.

Even this year when she was running from the classrooms nothing was done until I pushed for something to be done. It was all downplayed. Even after a diagnosis from a developmental ped, one that the school accepted, Katie is still treated most of the time like a  the bad kid. Just recently I had the Autism specialist (from the school district!) go to bat for us because Katie was being dealt with as though she was a typical kid
(meaning how a typical kid would be treated for behavior issues), and the fact is children with Autism don't respond well to that (meaning punishment and negative reinforcement) because they aren't doing it for the same reasons.

I have met the parents of little boys her age, with the same diagnosis, but who receive a ton more therapy. I know little boys higher functioning than Katie who spend half their days in a substantially separate class.

But Katie isn't afforded any of this extra help. And I fully believe it is because she is a girl and girls are looked at and treated a different way. I also believe there are girls who are probably being left out to dry. Katie is the only girl in her speech group, the only girl in hersocial skills group. Are you telling me in the whole school she is the only girl her age on the spectrum? Or is she just the only girl who has a pain in the ass mother pushing to make sure her child gets what she needs.

Even in first grade, at 7 years old, it is still a constant battle.

A lot of girls are diagnosed with Autism later than boys, and a lot of girls do not receive the therapy they need to be successful. I am hoping as more research is done this will change. Autism isn't just a disorder for boys, and it's about time everyone realized that.

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Jen is the mother of two wonderful children and she blogs here. I consider her a good friend and a great listener. Her daughter Katie and my son Racer share a lot of similar problems and its great to know that we're not alone in this world. So show her some love here on her post and on her blog! 

You Don't Want What I Have

I love my life, well some days I love my life a lil less but I love my life. But sometimes secretly I wish there were things I could change about it. I don't wish this life on anyone else either not even my worst enemy. And today I hate it more then anything. I hate that I can't let words just roll off my back like a duck, that I can't laugh at jokes about disabilities. Wait lets back track here, WHO THE FUCK LAUGHS AT JOKES LIKE THAT? I'll tell you who, people who have no clue what it is like to raise a child with special needs. That's who think those words and those jokes are funny. And I can't even say I'd blame them because if you've never been it or lived it then why would you care who you hurt.

I feel like no matter what I've said here its just me preaching to the choir. Are we sharing our thoughts and our feelings with the people who are hurting our kids with words and expressions? Are we going that extra mile to say HEY ENOUGH WITH THE DEMEANING JOKES!? Or do we just ignore it and then like me blog and cry and rant and vent about it here in our blogs?

I don't expect anyone to understand what Racer goes through or what we all go through on a daily basis, but maybe you should be at least a lil more understanding to not use words, expressions or jokes to insult other people.

Be thankful that you are lucky enough to never ever know what a day in my life is. Because even though you are ignorant I'm lucky to know better because I live it and love it.

This is my son, take a look and think of his face when you spout you're hateful words

I'm a lil Pink!

I've always been a lil Pink, she's my kind of girl! Loud and speaks her mind, and I just love this song of her's! I could listen to it all the time sooooo RAISE UR GLASS!!!

Eat in 30 mins Or Less or We'll Shoot!

Tell me....would you want to eat your food in 30 minutes or less? Would you want to eat it in 30 minutes or less?  When I finally manage to get my family out of the house and take them to eat somewhere I like them to enjoy it. Even though Racer is a speed eater AND even though once he's finished he wants (I take that back...NEEDS) to leave. So usually its a race against the clock to finish eating before he does, because once he wants to leave he really can't stand around otherwise.

So here we are, out and about...and the kids decide that they would like to eat at McDonalds, a rare treat for them. Daddy orders and I wrangle the kids into two booths.

Now a few things before I go on here...WTF with the calorie count right next to the food? Ummmm hello!!! We all know its fattening and if you don't and you get fat get a clue!! And the prices!!! Good grief, I may have to take out a loan just to eat there again! Now its going to a even rarer treat to eat there. Sorry kids the Happy Meals don't make the wallet so happy anymore!

Anyways me and the daddy are sitting and complaining about prices, kids are munching food and fast. I tend to look around and scope out the place as we sit there. Looking for dirty looks and lighting, at most of these places they tend to set Racer off a lil. He's usually hyper but with bad lighting and that damn humming he's off the walls.This is when I notice the sign....

Now usually we're out in about 30 minutes anyways, but to be forced out is something different lol. Here I am enjoying my yummy food and expensive and now I have to kick rocks at 30 minutes too! Sheesh McDonalds....why bother having a playland if we all have to get out as soon as we are done eating? Do a lot of people loiter in McDonalds? And who comes out to "police" this 30 minutes?

Which brings me to....or WE'LL SHOOT!

As we're sitting there two police come walking in and as they come closer they have their guns drawn! They head off to the restroom, one walks in and the other covers him. Then the cop who entered the restroom leaves and off the walk out the door. I kind of just sat there in shock me and the daddy looked at each other, looked at the kids and I started to laugh, I guess they really do enforce that rule. lol did I mention the white guy who happened to be in the restroom when the cop went charging in gun drawn? haha poor guy looked whiter then when he walked in, he grabbed his soda and left.

I'm a No Lifer

Today is part two of fuck you series. This one is about how the saying "no lifer" is like saying "the sky is blue". Duh I don't have a life, neither does the daddy and I don't know about him but I really don't care anymore. Yes I'm broke, yes I spend a lot of time on the computer, and the xbox and on netflix because I'm home. I don't have anywhere to go and even if I had millions of dollars I would still be home. See what most people don't realize is that I have to stay home for my sanity. There are to many unknowns out there, lighting and sound, waiting and people. But what does that all mean? To mean it means when I step foot in a store that doesn't have natural lighting I can find myself with a child that is wigged out by the sound the light is making, by the color is sends out to his brain. Wait are you saying to yourself that you can't hear lights? Ever hear that very low hum from a florescent light? That is the sound that can completely make my normally insane child even more insane. You know the minor clacking of dishes at a restaurant? That sends him under the table where he refuses to eat. After a few times like that I just stopped wanting to go. Its not fun anymore, and I know he's not enjoying himself so why bother?

A few years ago right after Racer got the Dx of autism we took the kids to Knotts Berry Farm. There are two sets of pictures, one where it looks like we are all having fun and the other where there is total chaos and meltdowns. I vowed after that I would never ever force myself or Racer to endure that sort of family fun madness until he was ready. I can't even take him to public restrooms without him freaking out about the sound of the flushing toilet., I think I've seen enough tears in the stalls of the restroom with my child begging me not to flush the toilet to know I should just stay home. So I stay home and I'm a no lifer! And I'm ok with that. But to use that term to insult me or my family! Well lets just say be lucky that I'd rather not go to jail for stupid ignorant people.

I suppose in the long run I'm saving myself lots of money right? We've gotten used to waiting for Netflix to get the new movies, lost weight from not eating out as often, and who wants to stand in long lines at Disneyland?

But please don't use my life choice to insult me because it only shows that you don't pay attention to anyone else but yourself. And I guess that's ok because if you don't understand my child then you weren't really that important to me in the first place and I was wrong for thinking that you were.

Do you know me?

I think I have myself to blame...perhaps I don't talk about it enough. What my family goes through on a daily basis. Or perhaps its none of anyones damn business, but I don't think its that. That response is just me being angry at people and their stupid remarks because they don't know any better. But I have a new saying. What it looks like on the outside isn't what it always is on the inside. I'm not asking anyone to live a day in my shoes, I don't think anyone could fill them hell I don't even want to fill them some days.

So here is my issue and since this is my blog and basically I can say whatever I damn well please and you can either keep reading or not I'm going to keep writing regardless.

I think I can count on one hand maybe two hands of the people in real life that I know I can count on for support and to listen when I need to vent. Or at least that's what I thought. I think I can now count it on one hand and that's a problem for me. Because if it was reverse ALL of my friends and family know they can count on me to help or listen or do whatever needs to be done. I'm there for you! And I'd love to think that it was the same for me. But it always isn't, and the people that are here for me and my family I adore and love each and everyone of you and you know who you are!.

Recently in the news there was a boy who plays xbox who also happens to have autism. Its been a source of contention for me because I could be there one day. I know how Microsoft runs, I've been in the belly of the beast so to speak. I also know being a mother and if this happened to Racer I think I would just give up, throw in the towel and say yea fuck it...we cheated.  In the gaming world its been a media circus so many articles and reports and regardless of his autism I don't think he cheated. And I'm going to stick with that no matter how dumb it made me look. I think that family was wronged. In a recent chat on xbox live with some friends in a chat the subject was brought up. And knowing its a sore spot for me maybe I just should have stayed quiet because the words that would forever sting my heart shocked me. Words like "even if he was fucked in the head" are going to stay with me forever. Because if anyone of those people knew what Racer or any other child with autism was going through they would never have said that.

And that is part of the problem, people assume things. Its the Rainman effect.....he had autism is that what your son is like? I would hope in 2011 that Rainman would be a thing of the past that it would be replaced by "Temple Grandin" someone to respect and understand. Not to say that Rainman is a insult but its not what people use to understand, they judge by it. I'm sick of judgments, I'm tired of getting crap because people don't understand.

Take the five minutes it took to give me shit about my life and autism and use them to understand because unless you've lived it you will never ever understand. And if you choose not to, that's fine but will you kindly keep your fucking mouth shut!

I Am Not a Tetris Piece I Swear!!!

I lack sleep....and duh I don't know any mother who doesn't. But I also lack space....so lacking sleep and space to do it in is a serious problem for me. I own a cal king bed and I love it! I can get mad at the daddy and never have to sleep on the couch because my bed is big enough for me to never have to lay with him! But over the years and the kids we have had many co-sleepers, some of which have actually had to get kicked out of bed because well....me and the daddy got caught and lol that's a long story. Anyways I'm only really down to one co-sleeper at night and that is CareBear. She never liked sleeping in her crib and always cried if I put her in it. And yes I tried to let her cry it out but seriously she's one of those kids that just cries and cries and cries.

Which gets me to my point. I finally after a lucky break got Racer in his own bed and PigPen into hers. But lately I have night visitors and at first it was ok because they were like pets and slept at my feet lol didnt even notice they were there until the morning. But lately I wake up and I'm squished in my spot like a tetris piece! I've got Racer in my back/butt and I have PigPen at my legs and Carebear in my neck/chest area! There are mornings when I have to literally ninja sneak out of my bed so I'm not smashing my poor sleeping children. There are morning when the daddy had to pull me out of my spot because I've been stuck like that for hours that I can't move.

Maybe if I put a fence around my bed they can't get in, perhaps a moat with kid eating fish? To drastic you say? What would you do? Because short of playing the crazy game music at night there is no getting around becoming that tetris piece at night.

lol am I really?

My mothering has changed a lot over the years. From being a teen mom to a young mother then to a mother of a lot of kids, then a mother to a special needs child. What most people don't know is that I was a mother to a special needs child with my first child. He was born premature and wow has be progressed. Anyways a few years ago well prolly more then a few years because it was before Racer was born. I did something that would forever compare me to this tv mom

But I have to admit my house was a lil like this

Except the daddy worked really super long hours and was almost never home.

The story goes that I was so fed up with teen 1 and teen 2 behavior that I canceled Christmas (I know drastic right) but that same year the episode where she canceled Christmas also aired and so there forever was the comparison. It used to really bother me, here I was a avid fan of the show and I thought she was crazy, but if you look at her parenting style she may be a yeller but she loves her kids to death and would do anything for them. And that in a way is me, just without all the yelling now. And yes I was a yeller, not so much now. Because being a parent of a child with autism I've found that it just doesn't work on him. lol not to say I don't yell at the kids that know better but yes I yell. And I won't take it back or change it either. Anyways I was sitting here on my twitter sharing stories and talking to friends on fb and what comes on tv?....lol my Christmas episode so I'm sitting here laughing about my favorite tv mom.

My question to you is who is your favorite tv mom or who do you relate to most?